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How Triggers Affect Connections in Relationships

couples dating healing Dec 04, 2013

In order to create safety in relationships, both people must start talking about their triggers with each other. If you are feeling triggered, you have to first understand what the trigger is, where it comes from, and what you can do to help yourself. So it’s not only insight but also strategy, behavior change, and communicating with your partner. It’s not about having your partner resolve that trigger for you. Often times in relationships, we have our own trauma and sometimes our...

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Intense Emotional States and What To Do with Them

healing individual May 24, 2013

Oftentimes, we have intense emotional states and get flooded with the emotions. It’s important to understand why this is happening. Sometimes, we get flooded with past traumas, but it’s important to slow down and remember not to act or react during this time. People in our group described times that they felt flooded with emotional intensity. A lot of times, people who are going through divorce are triggered by what’s going on currently but they are also being reminded of...

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The Law of Choice

There is something called the law of choice where we have the ability to take responsibility and choose new interpretations that empower when trying to heal from divorce. We can take back aspects of ourselves that we have projected onto our mate. We can observe what self-defeating behavior we’ve displayed and how to react without this self-defeating behavior. How do we respond to different situations? The pain from the past and the fear of the future often keeps us stuck and unable to...

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Marriage Daily Dialogue Questions for Couples

couples healing individual May 24, 2013

One of the things I have clients do regularly when they’re working on their relationships is to sign up for Marriage Daily Dialogue Question. I want them to see if any of these questions on this website could help them deal with some of the issues that are going on in their relationships as they may need to learn how to talk about issues in different ways.

One of the questions from March included, “How do I feel about our goals as a couple?” I think as couples proceed to...

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Play Therapy

kids parenting May 24, 2013

Often times, parents ask me how therapy works. One of the ways I’ve been able to get a sense that your child’s therapy is working is well described in writings by authors and my colleagues.

There is a stage where children do their deeper work during play therapy called the “deeper awareness stage.” It essentially parallels a mindful meditation. Here are some comparisons to that in Eckhart Tolle’s work. “Through both the language and the silence of the play,...

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Group Endings

In the groups that I lead, people often make deep connections by the end of the series. It is important to recognize that people come into the group for all different reasons: some people need support, some are having such raw emotions they need a place to go, some people need to hear that other people are going through similar things, some are looking for long term support, and others are opening the chapter for the first time about getting some therapy. When we’re expressing our...

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Seven Stages of Grief

Seven Stages of Grief
1. Shock and Denial
You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.
2. Pain and Guilt
As the shock wears off, it is replaced with suffering from unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it,...

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Understanding the Emotional Impact of Separation

Members in my divorce support group have discussed what bad habits they get into in their long-term relationships. I’ve often heard folks say that their long term relationships have changed them. They stopped doing things that made them feel happy and started experiencing less joy in their life in general. Group members question why they were with their partners and where things started falling apart in their relationships. Did they give up on their own lives? Was it possible to find...

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Ways to Avoid Putting Your Child in the Middle When Going Through Divorce

This is an excerpt from the book Cooperative Parenting and Divorce: Shielding Your Child from Conflict — A Parent Guide to Effective Co-Parenting by Susan Boyan and Ann Termini. This book is dedicated to protecting the emotional health of your children from the difficulty in the transition process of divorce. I highly recommend it for further advice on the subject.

Do not talk badly about my other parent. (This make me feel torn apart! It also makes me feel
bad about myself!)

Do not talk...

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How to Get Through a Difficult Day

Chop Wood Carry Water

This article will explain in more detail a Buddhist suggestion of what to do when going through a hard time.
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“Put your heart, mind, intellect and soul even to your smallest acts. This is the secret of success.”
Swami Sivananda
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Work. What does the word mean to you? Is it something to be avoided? Is it a means to an end? Is it the only appropriate focus of your attention and energy?...

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