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Internal States in Relationships: Why They Matter More Than the Situation
Apr 20, 2026
It’s Not Just What’s Happening—It’s the State You’re In
One of the biggest shifts I try to help people make is this:
It’s not just what’s happening—
it’s the state you’re in while it’s happening.
Two people can be in the exact same conversation
and walk away with completely different experiences.
Why?
Because their internal states are different.
What Is an Internal State?
Your internal state is the combination of what’s happening inside of you in any given moment.
It includes:
your nerv...
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